Patterns
On the weekend something happened to me which caused me to be seriously cranky and upset. Looking at the circumstances there was no really good reason for the level of reaction that I was feeling but there it was in all its sinful ugliness. When that happens I tend to withdraw and want to run away because I can hear in my head the perfectly reasonable defence of the person I happen to be upset with at the time would use were I to let my reaction drive me to a confrontation. Of course sitting up in the balcony at church to try and be away from people turned out to not be one of my better moves because half of Thirty Something were up there including pastor Mark who came to check up on something.
The struggle in one of those situations is to do what you know is right even though you do not feel like it, you would rather wallow in the hurt real or imagined. I think I probably managed about 4 out of 10 last night where 10 would be not wallowing at all. When I am in this sort of mood someone coming up to me and telling me to look at it objectively compared to how bad someone else has had it and get over it doesn’t usually go down to well.
Anyway this morning I went out to pray about the situation after having calmed down a bit and realised that this was not an isolated incident. It always annoys me a little bit whan this happens because it means that I really don’t have any justification for feeling hard done by, not that I really did in the first place. I could put my finger on at least 2 or 3 other situations where I have reacted in a similar fashion to the same sort of stimuli. The problem seems to occur when I feel like I have been kept out of the loop on something. On further reflection it’s probably some sort of insecurity/seeking approval thing. When that happens my reaction can be off the chart compared to what seems to be justified.
God help me to trust in your security and grace so that I can extend grace and love to others no matter what!
